BUGLE BRIEFS

WHITE HOUSE SAYS OBAMA'S AUTO-PEN DEVICE OUTDATED

The auto-pen device, shown here in the Oval Office, 
signs documents when the President is unavailable 

10-year-old device"leaks ink, squeaks and occasionally flips off the Vice-President," according to White House spokesperson Forkus Fenzle

DETECTIVES SAY LOCAL MAN MISSING FOR TWO WEEKS LEFT NOTE BLAMING EMPIRE CARPET JINGLE

BUGLE BRIEFS

PAPARAZZI  PHOTO ILLUSTRATES SAD DECLINE OF "GIRL FROM IPANEMA"

The Girl From Ipanema
on the beach in
Vila Velha, Brazil 

"I guess she's not 'tall and tan and

 young and lovely' anymore."  

           Reaction of retired Machinist Reardon Stumfunkie, self-professed fan of the 1964 hit song