BUGLE BRIEFS

PLUTO STILL PISSED ABOUT BEING DOWNGRADED TO A GASBALL
"I blame Saturn the most.  It doesn't care about any of the other planets.  It's always, 'Oooooh, look at my rings.  I'm sooo special.' If anyone should have been downgraded, it should have been Uranus.  What the hell kind of name is that?" exclaimed the angry gasball.   








NRA SAYS RINGING IN THE NEW YEAR WITH MACHINE GUN FIRE IS A FUN, TIME-HONORED FAMILY TRADITION

BUGLE BRIEFS

FORMER EMPLOYEE ACCUSES OBSERVATORY ASTRONOMERS OF USING TELESCOPE TO PEEK THROUGH RESIDENTS' WINDOWS


HEATHROW AIRPORT MANAGER SAYS TERMINAL FLOORS HAVE NEVER LOOKED CLEANER AFTER THOUSANDS OF STRANDED PASSENGERS FORCED TO SLEEP ON FLOOR DURING SNOWSTORM

CITY OFFICIALS RELIEVED THAT LAST PIECE OF BARE LAND TO BE DEVELOPED

Planning Department Spokesman Mohammed GerdIe:  "Bare lots like this are such a nuisance.  They have weeds and squirrels and stuff, and they're covered with dirt and get all muddy when it rains, plus leaves from the trees blow everywhere.  What a mess.  We'll be so relieved when the whole city is covered with concrete and pavement."  

BUGLE BRIEFS

TAKING A CUE FROM THE OIL COMPANIES,  ELECTRIC UTILITIES TO PHASE IN THREE GRADES OF ELECTRICITY

Luvis Pester, president of NURT, the National Utility Reform Team:  "Now I've heard it all."