-Local medical experts express concern after competitive eater Joey Chestnutt is hired as senior center nutrition director
-San Jose wastewater treatment facility named most popular summertime "staycation" destination
-Neighbors pleased after Los Altos resident trims trees to look like cellular towers. "Now it blends in with the rest of the neighborhood," said one.
-According to media, everyone is thoroughly outraged about something or other
-Orion's Belt down to the last hole; astronomers blame obesity epidemic
-The Bugle slips in different font; no one notices
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