SERVING MELTED PLASTIC BAG OF GIBLETS HAS BECOME A THANKSGIVING TRADITION FOR CUTE FREMONT FAMILY


TSA TOUTS EFFECTIVENESS OF NEW SEARCH TECHNIQUES AFTER AGENT FINDS "SUSPICIOUS LOOKING MOLE" ON WOMAN'S THIGH DURING PAT-DOWN SEARCH

PRICE OF GM'S IPO SHARES PLUMMET FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT THAT AUTOMAKER WILL BRING BACK THE AZTEK.  

PRICE DROPS FROM $33 A SHARE TO $4.25

"I always really liked it.  I think it's cool!" said new GM CEO Dan Akerson as he was led from his office by security officers. 

COUNTY BOARD OF SUPERVISORS PLEAD  FOR MORE APPLICANTS FOR POET LAUREATE POSITION
County supervisors yesterday issued a desperate plea for more applicants for the County's Poet Laureate position after receiving only one application.  Supervisor Liz Kniss wept as she read the sample poem submitted with the application:     
Hills of green
like sentries they serve
I eat pickles and watch the clouds
"Please, anyone out there, please apply.  Even if your poem starts out with 'Roses are red'...we don't care.  Dear God, please...I'm begging you," said Kniss as she wiped tears from her eyes.  The selected applicant will serve a two year term and receive a $4,000 stipend.  

ACCUSATIONS FLY AS NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC EDITOR SELECTS PHOTO OF HER OWN KID FOR MAGAZINE'S "PICTURE OF THE YEAR" AWARD